was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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