I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
