we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
