ADVERTISEMENT

• (616): View more from Michigan

  David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian

  Fav 4 2841 900

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Fav 15 7934 1045

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

  Fav 24 4527 1312

  share tweet
  

• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

  Fav 15 6105 1525

  share tweet
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.

  Fav 2 2467 1262

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.

  Fav 6 2424 1015

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.

  Fav 16 2711 1042

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.

  Fav 6 647 1473

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year

  Fav 3 800 460

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.

  Fav 1 446 507

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine

  Fav 1 41 58

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.

  Fav 4 90 27

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby

  Fav 0 62 11

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce

  Fav 0 32 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (256): View more from Alabama

  The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔

  Fav 0 60 23

  share tweet
  

Randomize