She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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