My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
