Swine flu. Run for my life!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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