I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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