i think my tv is drunk
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
