i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
send nudes
from the living room?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
