she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
