her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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