Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
