There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize