Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
