At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
