just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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