You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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