He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
