This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
