I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize