I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
