Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize