Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
