I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
