I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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