I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
