i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
