so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
