yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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