fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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