his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
