Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
