I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
