i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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