i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
