the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
