just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
