I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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