we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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