I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
