she was so not down for the gang bang
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
