# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
