I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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