Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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