It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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