Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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