I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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