Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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