What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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