A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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