I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
