i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
