I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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