just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
