You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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