The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
