I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
