I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
