Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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