have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
