My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Randomize
