You made me cry and you don't even care
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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