How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
