i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
