im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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