..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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