I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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