Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
