hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
