I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
