Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
