Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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