Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
