we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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