I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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