what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
