I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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