I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
