saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
