Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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