I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
