Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
