I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
