i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
