I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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