He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
