paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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