For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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