You're so nebulous sometimes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
