I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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