I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
