This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
