I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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