And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
