shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
