So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
